Shaping Your Fatherhood ID
Father’s Day is more than grilling great food, it’s a time to reflect on what it means to be a father. Amid the chaos of life, it’s easy for fathers to feel like they're just reacting to life rather than shaping it. But here’s the truth: being a father is one of the most powerful identities a man can hold. Being a father isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present, connected and humble. So, this Father’s Day, explore how to build a strong identity as a dad. Your kids don’t need a superhero. They need YOU.
Before you can pour into your kids, you need to know who you are. What values matter to you? What kind of legacy do you want to leave? Reflect on your own upbringing: what you want to pass on, and what do you want to do differently? Your identity as a father should be rooted in your personal values, not just cultural expectations. Here are my top three values:
Be Present, Not Perfect
There is no perfect dad. You’ll lose your temper. You’ll miss a game. You’ll sometimes choose work when you shouldn’t. What matters more than perfection is presence. Kids remember time, attention, and the feeling of being seen and loved. Put your phone down. Look them in the eye. Get outside and play. Learn about their world. The small moments are what build a lasting bond—and those ordinary moments shape your identity as much as theirs.
Prioritize Connection Over Control
It’s tempting to think fatherhood is about shaping your kids into what you think they should be. But your role is to guide, not control. To create space for them to become fully themselves. That means listening more than lecturing. Staying curious. Setting boundaries with empathy. And celebrating who they are, even when it doesn’t match your expectations. Stay curious.
Lead with Humility: Not to Be Right but to Do Right
A strong father doesn’t need to have all the answers, he needs the courage to grow. Admit when you’re wrong. Apologize. Kids learn more from how we handle failure than how we handle success. At its core, the need to be right is rooted in ego, a desire to protect our sense of self, to win, to stay in control. But relationships, especially within a family, aren't about winning. Modeling humility builds trust and shows them that strength and vulnerability can coexist.
Final Thoughts
You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to show up, stay open, and love with intention. Your identity as a father is not defined by one big moment, it’s forged in the everyday choices you make to be present, connected, and grounded in humility. So, this Father’s Day, celebrate not just who you are as a father, but who you’re becoming.
Happy Father’s Day.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Brian McKenna LCSW, CAADC utilizes his background in social work to share insights he's gained on fostering and sustaining positive changes towards greater health, happiness, and interpersonal connections. Embrace each moment fully, and you'll naturally build personal momentum. Discover more insights in his TEDx Talk by clicking here.